Pre-School Admission Test Tutoring

Showing that it is never too early to start making your kid insecure and success-obsessed, the New York Times brings you tutoring for pre-school admission tests.

Test preparation has long been a big business catering to students taking SATs and admissions exams for law, medical and other graduate schools. But the new clientele is quite a bit younger: 3- and 4-year-olds whose parents hope that a little assistance — costing upward of $1,000 for several sessions — will help them win coveted spots in the city’s gifted and talented public kindergarten classes.

Helicopter Parents of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your child’s place in a gifted program. So sign up your toddlers for tutoring NOW! Because if they don’t get into a Gifted Pre-school Program (that offers Chinese Mandarin Immersion of course), they won’t be able to get into a Gifted Kindergarten Program, which means they won’t be able to get into a Gifted Elementary School Program, and on and on up through a poor high school with bad SAT and ACT scores, and then no Ivy League University for Junior.

And we know what happens to kids who don’t get into an Ivy League University: they end up working McJobs, living in run-down apartments, sitting on the couch smoking pot watching movies from Netflix during all their free time, dude.

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7 thoughts on “Pre-School Admission Test Tutoring

  1. Oh, Rich. SURELY you are making this up. Dear Lord. I remember being delighted when I asked Sam's pre-school teacher what he needed to do to get ready for kindergarten. She smiled and said "nothing." It worked out fine.

  2. I… I… I just don't get this whole fast tracking of the wee ones. My mother (who is a teacher and has a MA in Masters in Gifted & Talented Ed) has always opined that truly gifted kids don't need all of the special programs… they just need parents who are able to see it and let them do their thing.

  3. annie, I wish that I was making this up. It seems that every insecurity has a business to feed it. Or maybe there's a business to foster and exploit every insecurity.Julie, I'd say your mom is right. They need support and encouragement. Eventually they'll figure out on their own what their talents are best suited for.

  4. Yuck. I believe it and it reminds me of cram schools in Asia. It is sad that some parents think their kidlets are doomed if they don't get into the right preschool.On the other hand, expectations are pretty high nowadays. Friends tell me that kids should know sight words and basic addition before they get to kindergarten. And they get "homework" in kindergarten too.

  5. scrapper al, there is homework in the kindergarten in our school district here. Kindergarten is what used to be first grade. Thanks to the emphasis on judging schools (right or wrong) based on test scores, the curriculum has been pushed down. The first round of tests comes at 3rd grade. So school districts look at what's to be tested and made adjustments to make sure kids are taught the things that will be on those test.

  6. Never mind test prep – ETS is the biggest racket on the planet. Bunch of no-nothing bureaucrats running a monopoly and making a shitload of money doing essentially nothing.

  7. tr, ETS is a whole other story…

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