The English Bible Is Too Liberal

That’s according to Andrew Schlafly of the famed Conservapedia, and son of Feminine Inferiority Advocate Phylis Schlafly, English translations of the Bible have a liberal bias.

“Professors are the most liberal group of people in the world, and it’s professors who are doing the popular modern translations of the Bible.”

If you trust these people to interpret reality, then I suppose you’ll be excited about their new Bible translation, if they can agree on a proper text first…These are the people who still claim Oxford University and Wikipedia are still lying about Dr. Richard Dawkins being a professor for a time at Oxford University.

Of course, Dawkins was indeed the Simonyi Professor for the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford, as Conservapedia’s own entry on Dawkins now acknowledges to be true (although its Bias in Wikipedia page still accuses its editors of lying in service to liberalism for stating the very same thing).


The written debate over whether or not Oxford is better qualified than Conservapedia to decide who is and isn’t a professor at Oxford lasted more than a year and involved tens of thousands of words. This is more time and energy than usually goes into such wiki-arguments. The chief proponent of the notion that Conservapedia is more authoritative than Oxford was Andrew Schlafly…

Oh, I’m sure this is going to be a high-quality translation, one that will be passed down through the ages like the King James version. The rewrites have already begun…

For example,

Not enough love of money is the root of all evil. (1 Timothy 6:10)

And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. You shall catch them and they wilt be glad to pay thee many farthings to hear the Word of God for so you might acquire a larger house for thine own family. (Matthew 4:19)

And on the eighth day God said, Let there be sport! For competition shall reveal the true worth of men. Those of worth shall be gracious in their debt to the Lord for bestowing them with such talents. And they shall sing praises to the Lord in thanks for their victories on the field of sport. (Genesis 2:3)

And if thy lower member riseth up while thou looketh on a woman or man to lust after him or her, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matthew (5:30)

How I love my coat of many colors. (Genesis 37:23)

The Conservative Bible (aka Bible, Going Rogue version), available soon wherever righteous books are sold.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s